"I just got out of my theatre class and the teacher (Sara Morsey) went into a half hour lecture on how the Satellite is the best source for finding out about what was going on in town. She read parts of Shamrock McShane's article (The Play About the Baby – see: newmoonrising.com) and went on to say that Mr. McShane is a journalistic hero who makes his readers actually think instead of spoon feeding them their news and reviews. She strongly recommended that all her students pick it up this and every month."

– Denise Hank

Sun Stroke (Volume One)

by Shamrock McShane

A critical reaction to the Gainesville Sun's endorsements for the Alachua County School Board Race in the form of a running commentary: The Sun's words appear in quotes. Rational thought appears otherwise.

"Three for the Board" - Gainesville Sun

One for the Money, Two for the Show, Three to Get Ready For to Go!

"The next School Board will be making crucial decisions in regard to zoning, spending, school utilization and so on."

Comma missing, but, well, yeah? (Gotta love the "and so on.") The Sun believes its readership is composed of idiots because most of the people who write for the Sun are idiots. Or let's give them the benefit of the doubt and just say they write like idiots. But I don't know if that's being fair to idiots.

"But (sic) restoring public confidence in a board that has seemed to lack leadership may be Job No. 1."

Job No. 1. Spoken in true business parlance.

"Six candidates remain in contention for three seats on the nonpartisan School Board."

Of course de facto parties exist. There's the administrators' party, the teachers' party, the voucher party . . .

"Here are the three candidates recommended by The Sun as most likely to bring new, more effective leadership to the board."

There are zero incumbents in the race. I think therefore that each candidate is equally likely to bring new leadership to the board. Or is the Sun trying to say that the brand of more effective leadership it endorses is the new improved variety? That would be a swell slogan to go with Job No. 1.

"District 1: Tina Turner"

"This is the toughest call of the three to make. Both John Banks and Tina Turner are gifted teachers who would bring a wealth of "in the trenches" experience to the board."

I can only guess how the Sun knows that these two candidates are "gifted teachers" because what actually happens in a classroom, I've found, tends to be a matter shared only by its participants. More telling is the (prepositional/adverb) phrase "in the trenches," which views teachers as fighting back in World War One! Those teachers, presumably, the Sun could deal with. Modern teachers are a problem. They seem to be in the trenches just beyond the Opposing Lines.

"Frankly, the two have not differed all that much in their positions on the issues."

Only enough for the Sun to make an inaccurate judgment.

"They both want to see teachers and students get more support at the classroom level."

From whom? The parents? The voters? The administrators? The school board. Jeb? Gee-Dub? God? The Sun? It gets worse and worse.

"Neither is a fan of the 'school reform' movement that has been shoved down the district's throat by Tallahassee."

I've been teaching in Florida for 17 years and in this Alachua County since 1987, but "school reform" is a new one on me. I suppose it's connected to the rule that requires school boards in general to operate as though they had the cognitive power of a turd.

"Both understand that test scores are not always the best way to 'grade' either schools or students. Either one, in our view, would make a valuable contribution to the School Board."

Trying really hard not to hurt anyone's feelings here, and pretending for all the world that race and class are not at issue here. In fact quite ready to be reconciled to John Banks, should he win.

"We recommend Tina Turner only because she has brought more enthusiasm and hard work to her campaign. Enthusiasm is something that has been sorely missing on the board."

Excuse me, did the Sun really say "We recommend Tina Turner only

"It is an important leadership talent that can be infectious. We also admire the fact that Turner's commitment to running was such that she took a year's leave of absence from her job to devote to the race."

This is the key to understanding the Sun's basic stupidity when it comes to school: Teachers do not demonstrate their devotion to learning by leaving the classroom.

"'I know how hard our teachers are working to help children learn,' Turner says. 'I've felt the disappointment when learning gains aren't reflected in test scores. I've felt the joy of watching a child finally understand how to divide. I know first-hand the pressure our teachers and administrators are under to have high FCAT scores which lead to higher school grades.'"

Turner wants a pass. Get the hell back in the classroom and teach, if you know how. Banks is teaching. For crysakes, Turner showed the Sun more enthusiasm for the campaign trail because she took the year off. I know how hard our teachers work too, but I'm not sure how well. Why wouldn't learning gains be reflected in test scores? The FCAT is a colossal waste of money and time, because it has nothing to do with teaching or learning. It has only to do with useless measuring. So why not just teach and let the chips fall where they may? My students had the highest gain scores in my school in large measure because I do not give a shit about the FCAT.

"The board could use someone with Turner's background, empathy and enthusiasm."

(The Sun plainly has no knowledge of the comma.) Turner's empathy is with failure, and her enthusiasm is for her own success. Let's see when she gets back to the classroom if she's so crazy about it. Vote for Banks.